I Snorted Heroin Once By Accident. It

I Was Always A Thin Kid; I Was An Athlete.

My Mother Would Say, Before I Left The House, 'remember Art, Hugs Are Better Than Drugs.' And I Believed My Mother, I Believed Everything She Said - Until The First Time I Got High At A Party. I Leaned Back, And I Went, 'god, This Is Way Better Than When My Uncle Perry Hugs Me. What Else Has My Mother Been Lying To Me About?

When You're On The Road A Lot, You're In Perpetual Search Of A Good Night's Sleep.

Historically, A Successful Life In Comedy Is A Dream That's As Equally Pondered And Unpursued As Being An Astronaut.

I Found A Way For Her To Fall Asleep, Paris Hilton, Talk To Herself.