I Saw This Wino, He Was Eating

I Type A 101 Words A Minute. But It's In My Own Language.

If I Was A Locksmith, I'd Be Pimping That Out Man. I'll Trade You A Free Key Duplication For. That Joke Made Me Laugh Before I Could Finish It, Which Is Good, Because It Had No Ending.

Alcoholism Is The Only Disease That You Can Get Yelled At For Having.

I`ve Not Really Been Angling To Be A Comedian. I Knew Comics And I Loved Them And I Loved Being Funny, But I Didn't Understand The Whole Concept Of Becoming One. My First Couple Of Times On Stage, I Was Like, "this Is What I'm Doing For Sure." I Was So Excited.

I Want To Get A Job Naming Kitchen Appliances. That Seems Easy; Refrigerator, Toaster, Blender. You Just Say What The Thing Does And Add "er".