I Read That As Marijuana Legalization Becomes

In A Speech In South Carolina, Donald Trump Responded To Criticisms From Senator Lindsey Graham By Giving Out Graham's Personal Cellphone Number. Graham Knew Something Was Up When He Saw He Had More Than One Missed Call.

The White House Announced That It Has Rejected Several Petitions To Legalize Marijuana. They Say It Has Nothing To Do With Politics. It's Just That They Can't Accept A Petition That Was Written On A Crumpled Up Funyuns Bag.

Wearing Shorts Is A Huge Perk. I Think It's Probably One Of The Reasons People Become Mailmen. You Also Get To Drive In That Vehicle That Should Be Illegal In The United States, Where The Steering Wheel Is On The Other Side. They Have No Rules! They Are The Punk Rock Of Government Jobs.

It Seems Like Everybody's Weighing In On Trumps Campaign - Even Dallas Mavericks Owner Mark Cuban. He Said That Trump Is 'probably The Best Thing To Happen To Politics In A Long, Long Time.' Then Trump Was Like, 'well, At Least One Cuban Loves Me.'

The White House Encouraged Tom Brady To Be More Of A Role Model. They Would've Said More, But There Was A Drunken Secret Service Agent Streaking Across The Rose Garden.