Don't Keep Reaching For The Stars Because

A New Study Found That Women Gain More Weight After Marriage, But Men Gain More Weight After A Divorce. Yeah, The Divorce Usually Takes Place After Men Point Out That Women Gained More Weight After Marriage.

In New York, There Are So Many Potholes, They're Like Craters On The Moon. That's Another Traffic Thing.

Republicans In Congress Are Getting Concerned That President Obama Will Try To Use The Final Year Of His Term To Push Through Too Many Controversial Laws. Obama Would've Responded But He Was Busy Drafting His New 'mandatory Mexican Gay Weed' Bill.

Vermont Senator Bernie Sanders Is Expected To Announce Tomorrow That He Is Running For President, Making Him Hillary Clinton's Only Democratic Challenger So Far. Or As Hillary Put It, 'oooo, Appetizers!'

Hillary Clinton Made A Campaign Stop In Las Vegas Yesterday. She Said She Wants Citizenship For Undocumented Immigrants. But After Seeing Americans Celebrate Cinco De Mayo Yesterday, Immigrants Said, 'you Know What, We're Good. We're Gonna Head Back Now. We Had Enough.'