I Once Fisted Two Babies And Then

My Tears Cure Cancer Too, It's Just That I Laugh At Cancer Patients.

Dude, Writing, Acting And Directing Are Such Easy Jobs. But To Do Them All As Awesomely As Zach Braff Does, Well That... That's Something.

If You're Dumb Enough To Volunteer For The Army, I Don't See Why We're Supposed To Feel So Bad When You Get Shot. I'm Not Saying We Should Throw A Party Or Anything, But Is It Such A Tragedy? If I'd Gotten Shot Before I Made 'garden State', Yeah, That's A Tragedy, But Some Red-state Hick Getting His Legs Blown Off? Come On.

I Know I Probably Should Be Sad About My Mother's Cancer... But She Still Hasn't Seen The Last Kiss, You Know?

Some People Just Can't Handle That They Will Never Be A Better Actor Than Me