I Never Pay Any Attention To Figures.

Life Doesn't Make Any Sense, And We All Pretend It Does. Comedy's Job Is To Point Out That It Doesn't Make Sense, And That It Doesn't Make Much Difference Anyway.

The Minister Of Transport Issued This Appeal To Motorists: Can Anyone Give Him A Lift To Leicester?

Sticks And Stones May Break My Bones, But Words Will Make Me Go In A Corner And Cry By Myself For Hours.

I Interviewed Matt [stone] And Trey [parker], Actually, And I Got To Ask Them Questions. I Love Them Deeply Because They Appeared Dressed As J-lo And Someone Else [who Had Worn The Same Scandalous Dresses The Year Before At The Oscars]. They Confessed They Were On Acid.

I Used To Have A House In London, But Couldn't Face 20 More Years Of St John's Wood In The Rain.