I Looked Like A Monkey Trying To

These Greens Are So Fast I Have To Hold My Putter Over The Ball And Hit It With The Shadow.

If I Had Cleared The Trees And Drove The Green, It Would've Been A Great Shot.

Golf Got Complicated When I Had To Wear Shoes And Begin Thinking About What I Was Doing.

Golf Course Architects Make Me Sick. They Can't Play Themselves, So They Rig The Courses So Nobody Else Can Play Either.

I've Gotten Rid Of The Yips Four Times But They Hang In There. You Know Those Two-foot Downhill Putts With A Break? I'd Rather See A Rattlesnake.