I Look At Life As Being Cruise

As My Good Friend Al Capp Told Me A Few Years Ago, The Best Thing To Do With A Confirmed [hotel] Reservation Slip When You Have No Room Is To Spread It Out On The Sidewalk In Front Of The Hotel And Go To Sleep On It. You'll Either Embarrass The Hotel Into Giving You A Room Or You'll Be Hauled Off To The Local Jug, Where At Least You'll Have A Roof Over Your Head.

As The Economy Gets Better, Everything Else Gets Worse.

I Contemplated Suicide. My Main Concern Was That I Would Not Make The New York Times Obituary Page.

Every Time You Think Television Has Hit Its Lowest Ebb, A New Program Comes Along To Make You Wonder Where You Thought The Ebb Was.

I Don't Mind 800 Million Chinese Drinking A Bottle [of Coca-cola] A Day, But I Don't Want Them To Bring Back The Empties.