I Like When People Wear A Wwjd

I Bought A Cactus. A Week Later It Died. And I Got Depressed, Because I Thought, Damn. I Am Less Nurturing Than A Desert.

I Set A Personal Record On Christmas. I Got My Shopping Done Three Weeks Ahead Of Time. I Had All The Presents Back At My Apartment, I Was Halfway Through Wrapping Them, And I Realized, 'damn, I Used The Wrong Wrapping Paper.' The Paper I Used Said, 'happy Birthday.' I Didn't Want To Waste It, So I Just Wrote 'jesus' On It.

I Think There Are So Many Little Hurdles And Impediments With Stand-up That You'd Need To Have This Insane Desire To Do It If You Didn't Have Something That Clicked Right Away.

Halloween: The Day Each Year When Strangers Give You Even More Specific Reasons To Dislike Them Based On What They Are Wearing.

If You Want To Make A Mythical Creature, Just Take A Regular Animal And Add Wings To It. A Horse Becomes A Pegasus, A Lion Becomes A Griffin, And A Hawk... Becomes A Double Hawk.