I Lent A Friend Of Mine $10,000

People Always Ask Me, 'where Were You When Kennedy Was Shot?' Well, I Don't Have An Alibi.

I Was A Cute Baby. My Mom Said When I Was Born They Threw Away The Mold. Some Of It Grew Back.

They Have A Sign At The Beach, "no Glass Bottles". I Think That's So The Other Sand Particles Don't Feel Like Underachievers.

Always Remember The Last Words Of My Grandfather, Who Said: 'a Truck!'

If An Asteroid Is Coming Toward You, You Don't Have To Blow It Up. You Just Have To Slow It Down Long Enough For Our Country To Rotate Out Of The Way.