I Left Home Because I Was Hungry.

Television: The Device That Brings Into Your Living Room Characters You Would Never Allow In Your Living Room.

I Have A Sixth Sense, But Not The Other Five. If I Wasn't Making Money, They'd Put Me Away.

Remember: Marriage Is The Number One Cause Of Divorce

I Get Plenty Of Exercise Carrying The Coffins Of My Friends Who Exercise.

She Has An Electric Blender, Electric Toaster And Electric Bread Maker. She Said "there Are Too Many Gadgets And No Place To Sit Down!" So I Bought Her An Electric Chair.