I Find Anger To Be Funny. I

My Stand-up Is More Like How I Am In Real Life. I Don't Really Do A Character Thing In Stand-up. It's Just A Bunch Of Sentences That Are Supposed To Be Funny.

Do You Remember That Kid That Had Sex With His High School Teacher? I Was Reading Online That He Died Today. He Died From Hi-fiveing.

I Love Playing A Curmudgeon. I Just Love Playing A Sour Guy.

We All Know How Funny Morrissey Is. Actually, You Know What? I Say That Sarcastically. His Songs Are Some Of The Funniest Songs I've Ever Heard In My Life. I Mean, Really. I Mean, Not That The "girlfriend In A Coma" Is, Like, Really Funny.

My Headshot Is A Scratch And Sniff, It Smells Like Failure And Onions.