I Do Think I Am Funny, Or

I Have Faith In All Mankind. Well,not Faith Really, More Like Hopeful Suspicion. And Not "all" But 5 People. Mankind Meaning Computers.

Saw A Lost Dog Sign With A Pic Of The Dog And A Little Boy Hugging It. I'm Assuming The Kids Safe And We're Just Focusing On The Pooch.

Video Games Don't Make People Go Nuts. I Played Super Mario Forever. Not Once Hopping On A Turtle Or Smash My Head Through A Brick Ceiling.

I Miss Dating Only For That Final Moment You Kiss Goodnight, Watch Her Get Out Of Your Car And Run Into The Police Station.

I Always Thought That If I Got No Love At All Early In My Standup Career, Or I Was God Awful, I Thought I'd Get Into Psychology.