I Decided To Stop Drinking While It

When You Are Waiting For The Bus And Someone Asks, "has The Bus Come Yet?". If The Bus Came Would I Be Standing Here?

I Worry About Ridiculous Things, You Know, How Does A Guy Who Drives A Snowplough Get To Work In The Morning. ... That Can Keep Me Awake For Days.

People Who Are Willing To Get Off Their Arse To Search The Entire Room For The Tv Remote Because They Refuse To Walk To The Tv And Change The Channel Manually.

A Mate Of Mine Has Just Told Me He's Shagging His Girlfriend And Her Twin, I Said How Can You Tell Them Apart, He Said "her Brothers Got A Moustache!"

Chic Murray Once Told Me He Fell In The Street, And A Woman Said To Him, "did You Fall?" He Said, "no, I'm Tryin' To Break A Bar Of Chocolate In My Back Pocket."