I Can't Stand Folk Who Are All

I Wouldn't Say I Was Grumpy. It's More Pathological - I Have Seismic Tantrums. I Get Red In The Face And Cry At Least Three Times A Week, And I Have To Lie Down And Have A Nap Afterwards.

I Still Can't Set Up The Ironing-board. A Complete Luddite.

I Know The New Comedy God Is Surrealism, But It Doesn't Touch My Heart.

As A Rule, Wearing A Bigger Pair Of Jeans Looks Better Than Squishing Yourself Into A Pair Of Jeans That Used To Fit Before You Gave Up Smoking.

I'm A Schizophrenic Mix Of Wannabe Glamourpuss And Absolute Slob, And My Style Is Very Much Magistrate-meets-barmaid.