I Can Smell Bullshit From A Mile

Text A Guy You Like Right Now, "i'm Thinking About You." If He Says, "mmm Are You In Bed?" Never Speak To Him Again He's A Lifelong Moron.

If You Live Far Away From A Person You No Longer Want To Date Just Let Them Know That They Are Geographically Undesirable.

I Don't Know If I Could Rebuild An Airplane Engine, But I Know A Little Bit About Rotors And Rivets.

I Have Faith In All Mankind. Well,not Faith Really, More Like Hopeful Suspicion. And Not "all" But 5 People. Mankind Meaning Computers.

I Can Always Get Better. A Lot Of My Ex-girlfriends Don't Think I'm Funny.