I Can Do Anything I Want To

I Cook With Wine, Sometimes I Even Add It To The Food.

The Advantages Of Whiskey Over Dogs Are Legion. Whiskey Does Not Need To Be Periodically Wormed, It Does Not Need To Be Fed, It Never Requires A Special Kennel, It Has No Toenails To Be Clipped Or Coat To Be Stripped. Whiskey Sits Quietly In Its Special Nook Until You Want It. True, Whiskey Has A Nasty Habit Of Running Out, But Then So Does A Dog.

I Spent Half My Money On Gambling, Alcohol And Wild Women. The Other Half I Wasted.

Wouldn't It Be Terrible If I Quoted Some Reliable Statistics Which Prove That More People Are Driven Insane Through Religious Hysteria Than By Drinking Alcohol.

Smile First Thing In The Morning. Get It Over With.