I Am Such A Pessimist That Every

I Think The Challenge Is Going Out In Front Of A Paying Audience With Absolutely Nothing And Trying To Entertain Them For Two Hours. Thankfully, I Only Think About That Right Before We Go On, And Then Once We're Out There, Everything's Fine.

When You Kill Someone By Chopping Off Their Head, Rolling 'em Up In A Carpet And Burning It, You'd Better Make Sure They're Dead!

As A Kid I Watched Television 24 Hours A Day And Loved Every Minute Of It. The Two Shows That Always Make Me Laugh And Are Therefore My Favorites Are The Dick Van Dyke Show And Fawlty Towers.

Wives Live Longer Than Husbands Because They're Not Married To Women.

I'm Handsome, No Ands, Buts Or Ifs.