Gays Are Now Allowed To Serve Openly

I Got A Call From My Mom Today, She Says, 'well, David, I See You Didn't Get The 'tonight Show' Again.'

It Was Announced That President Obama And His Wife, When They're Finished In Washington, Are Moving To New York City. The Guy Just Can't Get Enough Gridlock.

I'm Worried About John Kerry, He's So Confident Now That He's Already Planning His White House Sex Scandal.

Public Service Announcement: In Case Of A Terrorist Attack, Bottled Water And Duct Tape Are Not Going To Do A Damn Thing. So Do What Homeland Security Dir. Tom Ridge Does: Get Really Drunk, And Pick Up A Hooker.

The President Met With Bp Ceo Tony Hayward, And Obama Was Demanding That Bp Clean Up The Gulf. And I'm Thinking, Good Luck. They Can't Even Clean Up Their Gas Station Restrooms.