Familiar Things Are A Comfort To Us

I Don't Think The Government Is Out To Get Me Or Help Someone Else Get Me But It Wouldn't Surprise Me If They Were Out To Sell Me Something Or Help Someone Else Sell Me Something. I Mean, Why Else Would The Census Bureau Want To Know My Telephone Number?

Milk Without Fat Is Like Nonalcoholic Scotch.

Yes, We Praise Women Over 40 For A Multitude Of Reasons. Unfortunately, It's Not Reciprocal. For Every Stunning, Smart, Well-coiffed, Hot Woman Over 40, There Is A Bald, Paunchy Relic In Yellow Pants Making A Fool Of Himself With Some 22-year Old Waitress. Ladies, I Apologize. For All Those Men Who Say, "why Buy The Cow When You Can Get The Milk For Free?", Here's An Update For You. Nowadays 80% Of Women Are Against Marriage. Why? Because Women Realize It's Not Worth Buying An Entire Pig Just To Get A Little Sausage!

I Never Understood Retirement. What Is The Attraction Of Retirement? I Go Down There To Florida And Look Around And I Said, My God, Who Wants This? Not Me.

Nothing In Fine Print Is Ever Good News.