Everyone Thinks Angelina Jolie Was The First

The People Voting For The Oscars Are So Old. I Haven't Seen One Academy Award Voter With A Tampon In Her Purse.

I Am Definitely Going To Watch The Emmys This Year! My Makeup Team Is Nominated For “best Special Effects.”

What Could Be Nicer Than To Have Three Horrible Children Behind You In An Airplane, And The Next Set, You Go Onstage And You Talk About How Much You Despise The Children And What You Would Like To Do To Them On An Airplane? That's The Only Time I Would Gladly Take A Terrorist On. It'd Be Worth It To Get Rid Of These Children.

I Have No Boobs Whatsoever. On My Wedding Night My Husband Said, 'let Me Help You With Those Buttons' And I Told Him, 'i'm Completely Naked'.

I Am A Dyke! And I'm Damn Proud Of It!