Every Time I See Dan Quayle I

I Once Heard Two Ladies Going On And On About The Pains Of Childbirth And How Men Don't Seem To Know What Real Pain Is. I Asked If Either Of Them Ever Got Themselves Caught In A Zipper.

My Girlfriend Said, Just Buy Me Something Crazy And Expensive, Something I Don't Even Need! So, I Signed Her Up For Radiation Treatment.

If You Can Make Just One Person Laugh, Then You Are Already Doing Better Than Tony Danza.

The Scots Are A Very Tough People. They Have Drive-by Headbuttings. In Glasgow A Sweatband Is Considered A Silencer.

Women: You Can't Live With Them, And You Can't Get Them To Dress Up In A Skimpy Little Nazi Costume And Beat You With A Warm Squash Or Something.