If You Can Make Just One Person

When I Was A Kid My Dad Would Say, "emo, Do You Believe In The Lord?" I'd Say, "yes!" He'd Say, "then Stand Up And Shout Hallelujah!" So I Would ... And I'd Fall Out Of The Roller Coaster.

I Think My Ex-girlfriend Has Weekly Lessons With The Devil On How To Be More Evil. I Don't Know What She Charges Him.

If You're Worth Over $50m You Should Have To Dress Like That Guy On The Monopoly Box. The Super-rich Shouldn't Get All The Benefits Of Looking Like A Regular Guy.

I Lent A Friend Of Mine $10,000 For Plastic Surgery And Now I Don't Know What He Looks Like.

I Never Cheated On My Wife. I Took Seriously Those Vows Of Celibacy.