Did You Ever Wake Up With An

Hookers Don't Like To Snuggle.

I'm Terrible At Heights. I Hate It. I'm Glad I'm Only 5'7".

My Father Used To Beat Me With His Belt...while It Was Still On Him.

Four Years Ago On This Very Day I Tried To Take My Own Life. And I Said, "zach, Do It In Front Of Your Co-workers And End The Misery." I Don't Know How Many Of You Ever Tried To Jump Off Of A Pizza Hut, But You'll Just Get A Sprained Ankle Out Of The Deal. Then You'll Have To Go Back Inside, And Serve Crazy Bread.

I Dream Of Moving To India, Or Pakistan, And Becoming A Cabdriver.