David Letterman Is The Best Late-night Talk

Sometimes When You Win, You Think You're Going To Get Everything To Go Your Way.

Barack Obama May Be Black, But John Mccain Is The First Albino Presidential Candidate: He's Completely See-through!

My Grandmother Instilled In Me A Toughness That Comes With Survival. She Was A Tough Lady And Never Truly Enjoyed Her Life. She Would Always Worry About Things And I Would Tell Her That It Wasn't Going To Get Her Anywhere And It Didn't. I Wasn't Even That Smart Back Then, But I Knew That Worrying About Everyone Else Wasn't Good For Her Health. As Latinos, We Stress And Worry So Much About The Future When The Future Is Today. As Long As We Protect What's Good In Our Lives, We Will Be All Right.

I'm A Big Fan Of Reality Shows. I Thought The First One, Dukes Of Hazzard, Captured White People Perfectly.

At The Factory, I Deal With Ex-cons, Substance Abusers, And Sexual Harassers. And I'm Not Just Talking About My Mom.