'dammit I'm Mad' Is 'dammit I'm Mad'

If Someone Throws A Pie At Your Face, Just Open Your Mouth Really Wide And Say, 'thanks For Feeding Me, A**hole.'

Sometimes I Feel Like I'm Making A Connection With A Stranger, But Then It Turns Out I'm Not. Like, I Was In A Mall, And I Saw This Lady Hitting Her Kid. So I Went Up To Her, And I Was Like, "yeah, Get Him!" She Got All Mad At Me. I Was Like, "i'm On Your Side Here."

Glitter Is The Herpes Of Craft Supplies.

I Went To Law School. I Found It Interesting For The First Three Weeks.

There's A Very Fine Line Between Giving Someone The Heimlich Maneuver And Dry-humping A Stranger.