Comics Just Don't Retire. They Either Die

I Usually Have Sex To My Stand-up Comedy Album. Power Move.

With Everybody Having A Facebook And A Twitter, I Feel Like Regular People Consider Themselves Stars. It's A Live, Real-time Upload Of Every Time We Buy A Pair Of Socks, The Most Telling Sign That We're Losing Our Politeness. When You Know Everything About Somebody, You Can Talk To Them Any Way You Please.

When I See A Good Singer, I Get Teary-eyed. Part Of It Is Jealousy Because All Comedians Are Frustrated Rock Stars. That's A Fact.

Maybe I'm Corny, But I'm A Big Believer In Second Chances.

I Don't Think It's Unfair To Have Writers. I Think If You're Going To Do A Roast On Television, As If You Were Doing A Play Or You Were Reading A Script Of A Movie, You Would Have The Best Possible Material. And Those Are The People Who Score, The People Who Are Willing To Listen To The Roasting Experts And Then Come Out There And Own That Material.