Comedy Is A Man In Trouble. And

People Say, "how Would You Like To Be Remembered?" I Don't Want To Be Remembered. Gimme A Break. What I Want Is To Hear What's Great About Me Now. Let Me Hear It! In The Box You Don't Hear These Eulogies.

I Turned Down 'some Like It Hot.' See How Smart I Am? I Felt I Couldn't Bring Anything Funny To It. The Outfit Was Funny. I Don't Need To Compete With The Wardrobe.

When I Was A Kid, I Said To My Father One Afternoon, 'daddy, Will You Take Me To The Zoo?' He Answered, 'if The Zoo Wants You, Let Them Come And Get You.

Gambling Is Part Of The Human Condition. I Love It. I Have The Best Time Gambling. I've Been Winning Fortunes, And I've Been Losing Them.

When I Would Be Myself, I Was Being Big-headed. I Was Being Egotistical. I Was A Megalomaniac, When It Really Was Just Having Not To Be A Monkey For A Few Hours A Day. And Fulfilling The Need To Be A Man.