Christina Can Sing All The Notes, But

Ex-girlfriends Will Find Themselves In My New Routine. Sometimes They Like That, And Sometimes They Definitely Do Not. But Comedians Should Come With A Giant Warning Or Disclaimer: If You Date Me, It Will Be In My Act.

I Always Wanted To Be A Snake. Every Time I Saw A Snake On Tv. I'd Always Say 'why Not Me?'

We Never Had A Pool, Right. So One Summer, I Remember. My Dad, To Make Me Happy. You Know I Was Bummed Out Cause We Didn't Have The Pool. So One Summer He Bought Us This Thing. It Was Yellow, You Laid It On The Lawn, Sprayed It With The Water, Run Across. Slip N' Slide. Yeah. Would Have Been Fun If Dad Checked For Rocks Before He Laid It Down! Slip N' Bleed From The Anus They Should Have Called This Ride.

That Myspace Is The Story Of The Year. Everyone But My Mother Is On It.

It Was Peace. Peace Is When You Would Shake The Hands Of The People Around You. And You Knew Peace Was Coming Because The Priest Would Say It Five Times Rapid Fire. He'd Go, “my Peace I Leave, My Peace I Give To You. While We Ate Reese's Pieces With The Lord. And I Have A Piece Of Lint In My Peaceful Eye"!