I Had Never Done A Roast, But

It Was Peace. Peace Is When You Would Shake The Hands Of The People Around You. And You Knew Peace Was Coming Because The Priest Would Say It Five Times Rapid Fire. He'd Go, “my Peace I Leave, My Peace I Give To You. While We Ate Reese's Pieces With The Lord. And I Have A Piece Of Lint In My Peaceful Eye"!

I Can't Relate To The Idea Of Suicide. I Guess I'm Just One Of Those People That Is Always Optimistic And Upbeat. But One Day, I Sat Down. I Said 'you Know What? Just To Kind Of Purge Myself, I Want To See What Its Like To Feel That Low'. So I Decided To Write A Suicide Note. Yeah, Just To Kinda Flush It Out There And Put It On A Page. And I Started To Do This, And I Had An Epiphany. I'll Share This With You: A Suicide Note That Is Written By Somebody That Is Not Suicidal Is Called An Autobiography. I Am On Chapter 58.

Some Girls Look Beautiful With No Makeup On At All. I Call Them Lazy. Now Go Throw Some War Paint On You Bleak Empty Canvas You.

The Problem With Dating A Model Is They Won't Go Out With You If Your Cars Color Doesn't Match Their Outfit.

Every Time You Come In From Cheating On Someone, They'll Just Whip Out The Most Adorable Term Of Endearment. Like, They'll Wake Up, Bright And Early, Sleep In Their Eyes And Say: "hey, Perfect."