Childhood Obesity Affects All Pedophiles.

I Want To Get A Tattoo Of The Word Irony, Only Misspelled.

Father's Day Makes Me Wish I Could Talk To My Dad Just One More Time, Instead Of All The Time.

I Think A Theater Show Is A Pure Version Of Me Doing My Material. The Theater Crowd Is A Bit More Polite, There Really Aren't Hecklers, And There Are A Lot Of People There To See Me, And They're Excited About The Jokes And Hanging Out With Me For A Show.

I Never Go See Live Comedy Shows Because I Just Sit In The Audience Thinking, "here's What I Would Say. Here's What I Would Do If I Got Up There." It Drives Me Crazy.

It Was Important To Me To Be Cool As A Comedian. I Didn't Want To Be A Crowd-pleaser Who Sent Out The Vibe Of, "i Need You Guys." I Wanted To Be So Cool That The Audience Could Leave And I Would Still Be Killing, That I Didn't Want To Have To Rely On Them Or Need Them. That Really Appealed To Me.