Beethoven's Last Quartets Were Written By A

It Is Quite Untrue That British People Don't Appreciate Music. They May Not Understand It But They Absolutely Love The Noise It Makes.

The Trouble With Women In An Orchestra Is That If They're Attractive It Will Upset My Players And If They're Not It Will Upset Me.

If She Is Attractive, I Can't Perform With Her; If She Is Not, Then I Won't.

A Soprano In Massenet's Don Quixote Complained That She Had Missed Her Entry In The Aria, "because Mr. Challiapin Always Dies Too Soon." "madam, You Must Be Profoundly In Error," Said Sir Thomas, "no Operatic Star Has Yet Died Half Soon Enough For Me."

When Asked Whether He Minded If Someone Smoked In A Non-smoking Compartment. Certainly Not If You Don't Object If I'm Sick.