At My Funeral, I Want Meryl Streep

She's So Pure, Moses Couldn't Even Part Her Knees.

My Love Life Is Like A Piece Of Swiss Cheese; Most Of It's Missing, And What's There Stinks.

I Am Furious About Everything.

Money Can't Buy You Happiness But It Can Pay For The Plastic Surgery.

I Always Like A Charity With People Who Don't Speak English Because I Get Them To Do All Kinds Of Things Around My House.