At Christmas Time I Sat On Santa's

And My Girlfriend, She's Fat! How Fat? She's So Fat She Wears Two Watches-one For Each Time Zone!

I Saved A Girl From Being Attacked Last Night. I Controlled Myself.

If Every Man Was As True To His Country As He Was To His Wife, We'd Be In A Lot Of Trouble.

I Bought A New Book, '100 New Ways To Make Love'. I Ended Up In Traction - It Was A Misprint.

When I Was Born ... The Doctor Came Out To The Waiting Room And Said To My Father ... I'm Very Sorry. We Did Everything We Could ... But He Pulled Through.