Anyone Can Read The News To You.

The Only Thing That Gets Me High Is The Musky Scent Of My Enemy's Fear

It's Hard To Swallow Your Pride. That's Why I Slather Mine In Mayonnaise.

My Brother Billy Was The Joke Teller. My Brother Jim Had A Really Sharp, Cutting Wit. And The Teller Of Long Stories, That Was My Brother Ed. As A Child, I Just Absorbed Everything They Said, And I Was Always In Competition For The Laughs.

I Hold A Little Fundraiser Every Day. Its Called Going To Work.

If I Ever Succumbed To The Demon On My Shoulder Going, "you Should Get Something Special Because You're Famous," That Is The Moment That My Behavior Will Be Caught On Social Media For All Time. I'm Even Afraid To Use It To Get A Reservation. This Is The Person Who Will Tweet, "can You Believe What This A-hole Did?"