A Two-pound Turkey And A Fifty-pound Cranberry-that's

You Become Successful, The Way I See It, Only If You're Good Enough To Deliver What The Public Enjoys. If You're Not, You Won't Have Any Audience; So The Performer Really Has More To Do With His Success Than The Public Does.

The Price Of Christmas Toys Is Outrageous - A Hundred Dollars, Two Hundred Dollars For Video Games For The Youngsters. I Remember A Christmas Years Ago When My Son Was A Kid. I Bought Him A Tank. It Was About A Hundred Dollars, A Lot Of Money In Those Days. It Was The Kind Of Tank You Could Actually Get Inside And Ride In. He Played In The Box It Came In. It Taught Me A Very Valuable Lesson. Next Year He Got A Box. And I Got A Hundred Dollars' Worth Of Scotch.

There Was This Billy Goat At A Movie Studio Who Found And Ate A Can Of Film. When A Nanny Asked Him How He Liked It, He Said, "it Was All Right But I Liked The Book Better."

I Don't Run With Anybody's Herd. I Don't Like Crowds. I Don't Like Going To Fancy Places. I Don't Like The Whole Nightclub Scene. Cocktail Parties Drive Me Mad. So I Do My Job And I Stay Away From The Rest Of It.

If Variety Is The Spice Of Life, Marriage Is The Big Can Of Leftover Spam.