A Smile Is A Curve Which Can

Did You Know That Mozart Had No Arms And No Legs? I've Seen Statues Of Him On People's Pianos.

I Know [canned Music] Makes Chickens Lay More Eggs And Factory Workers Produce More. But How Much More Can They Get Out Of You On An Elevator?

(responding To A Sneeze From The Audience) Who Exploded?

In My Youth, I Wanted To Be A Great Pantomimist -- But I Found I Had Nothing To Say.

When I Was A Little Boy And Played Liebestraum, My Father Used To Hit Me On The Head With A Newspaper Every Time I Slopped The Cadenza . . . I Hate Liebestraum.