A Severed Foot Is The Ultimate Stocking

Foosball Screwed Up My Perception Of Soccer. I Though You Had To Kick The Ball And Then Spin Around And Around. I Can't Do A Back Flip, Much Less Several Simultaneously With Two Other Guys.

I Want To Get Non-aerosol Mace, You Just Rub It In. "dude Who Is Attacking Me - Come A Little Closer!"

When It Comes To Racism, You Hear People Say, "i Don't Care If People Are White, Black, Purple Or Green." Hold On, Now, Purple Or Green? Come On Now, You Gotta Draw The Line Somewhere.

People Ask Me For My Autograph After A Show. I'm Not Famous, I Think They're Messing With Me. I Think They're Trying To Make Me Late For Something.

I Was Going To Get My Teeth Whitened, But I Said, "i'll Just Get A Tan Instead."