A Man Says To His Mate: "my

I Was In A Panto Last Year, Aladdin And The Wonderful Lamp. I Played The Wick. I Got The Sack Because I Was Too Well-oiled Every Night.

A Man Up In Front Of A Judge Says "i Don't Recognise This Court." "why Not?" "it's Been Redecorated Since The Last Time I Was Here."

An Englishman, Irishman And Scotsman Were Invited To A Christmas Party. The Englishman Brought A Bag Of Tinsel, The Scotsman Brought A Bag Of Holly And They Asked The Irishman: "what Have You Brought?" He Said: "i Brought A Pair Of Knickers." They Asked: "what Has That Got To Do With Christmas?" He Said "they're Carol's."

There Were Two Irishmen Eating Sandwiches In A Pub And The Landlord Said: "you Can't Eat Your Own Food In Here." So They Swapped Sandwiches.

Doctor Told Me I've Got Two Weeks To Live. I Said: "can I Have The Last Week In July And The 1st Week In August?"