I Was In A Panto Last Year,

I'm Not Really A Homosexual. I Just Help Them Out When They're Busy.

It's My Wife Ruth's Birthday Soon. I Said To Her: "what Would You Like For Your Birthday?" She Said: "i Want A Divorce." I Said: "i Wasn't Planning On Spending That Much."

Men Only Go For Skinny Women Because They're Too Weak To Argue - And Salads Are Cheap.

There Were Two Irishmen Eating Sandwiches In A Pub And The Landlord Said: "you Can't Eat Your Own Food In Here." So They Swapped Sandwiches.

There Was A Man Sitting In The Dining Room Of The Titanic, He Said: "i Know I Asked For Ice, But This Is Ridiculous."