You Worry Too Much. Eat Some Bacon...what?

On My Last-place Finish In The 50-yard Dash During Little League Tryouts “it Kinda Looked Like You Were Being Attacked By A Bunch Of Bees Or Something. Then When I Saw The Fat Kid With The Watch Who Was Timing You Start Laughing…. Well, I’ll Just Say It’s Never A Good Sign When A Fat Kid Laughs At You.

Before I Proposed To My Now-wife, I Was Understandably Nervous. My Father Suggested That I Take Stock Of All Of My Experiences And Relationships With Women, From My Earliest Memories To Present Day, And See If I Had Learned Anything That Might Inform My Decision.

No, You Can't Go Getting Mad At People Because They're Shitty. Life Will Get Mad At Them, Don't Worry.

On My First Driving Lesson “first Things First: A Car Has Five Gears. What Is That Smell?…okay, First Thing Before That First Thing: Farting In A Car That’s Not Moving Makes You An Asshole.

What Im Trying To Say Is That What Makes You Up, Its Always Been Around, And It Always Will Be Around. So Really The Only Thing You Should Worry About Is The Part You're At Right Now. Where You Got A Body And A Head And All That Bullshit. Just Worry About Living, Dying Is The Easy Part.