You Want A Happy Romantic Relationship? Don’t

I Swear, Sometimes I Am Convinced My Life Is Just A Series Of Sketches For America's Funniest Home Videos, Minus All That Pants-dropping Business. Except My Life Really Isn't All That Funny If You Think About It.

I Don't Do Alcohol. Or Other People's Boyfriends. And Don't You Forget It.

Weight Doesn’t Matter. It Really Doesn’t. I Mean, It Does If You’re A Model Or Whatever.

Lana Says J.p. Makes Matt Damon From The Bourne Movies Look Like Oliver From Hannah Montana

The Brave May Not Live Forever, But The Cautious Do Not Live At All.