You Might As Well Like Yourself; Just

I Am Probably The Most Selfish Man You Will Ever Meet In Your Life. No One Gets The Satisfaction Or The Joy That I Get Out Of Seeing Kids Realize There Is Hope.

Pity? You Don't Want To Be Pitied Because You're A Cripple In A Wheelchair? Stay In Your House!

I Have Nothing Against Women. As A Matter Of Fact There's Something About Them That I Love, But I Just Can't Put My Finger On It.

I Tell Young Comics, 'do You Want This Badly Enough? It's There. But You Have To Go Get It. And If You Think I'm Going To Give You The Key To The Lock Of That Door, There Is No Key, There Is No Lock, And There Is No Door.'

I've Had The Greatest Respect For My Work In This Country By Americans. Critics Have No Brains.