You Know How Everybody Has That One

I Like Seeing What The Comedian Thinks Is Funny, Not Just What They Think I'll Think Is Funny.

I Don't Ever Want To Have Kids Of My Own. But I Do Want A Lot Of Kids.

I Want To Marry The Kind Of Girl That Walks Out Of An Abortion Clinic With A Lollipop.

I Would Write 100 Jokes A Day. Most Of Them Were Terrible. But I Just Said, 'i'll Write More Than Everybody Else, And That's How I'll Get Better.'

I Think A Theater Show Is A Pure Version Of Me Doing My Material. The Theater Crowd Is A Bit More Polite, There Really Aren't Hecklers, And There Are A Lot Of People There To See Me, And They're Excited About The Jokes And Hanging Out With Me For A Show.