You Got A Gun, You Don't Have

We Americans Commercialize Everything. Look At What We Did To Christmas. Christmas Is Jesus' Birthday. Now, I Don't Know Jesus, But From What I Read He Was The Least Materialistic Person Who Ever Walked The Earth. No Bling On Jesus. He Kept A Low Profile And We Turned His Birthday Into The Most Commercial Day Of The Year. In Fact We Have A Whole Jesus Birthday Season. And Then At The End Of It, We Have The Nerve To Have An Economist Come On Tv And Say What A Horrible Jesus Birthday Season We Had.

All You Crazy White People "i'm American!", All You Did Was Come Out Of Your Mother's Pussy On American Soil. That's It. That's It! What, You Think You're Better Than Somebody From France 'cause You Came Out Of A Pussy In Detroit?

You Won’t Be Able To Take Your Eyes Off The Next Four Presenters: Salma Hayek And Penelope Cruz.

Oprah Is So Rich, I Saw John Kerry Proposing To Her.

Here's What I Knew About Doing A Play: I Knew It Would Make Me A Better Actor.