You Can't Teach Children To Be Good.

Parents Ought, Through Their Own Behavior And The Values By Which They Live, To Provide Direction For Their Children. But They Need To Rid Themselves Of The Idea That There Are Surefire Methods Which, When Well Applied, Will Produce Certain Predictable Results. Whatever We Do With And For Our Children Ought To Flow From Our Understanding Of And Our Feelings For The Particular Situation And The Relation We Wish To Exist Between Us And Our Child.

The Good Enough Mother, Owing To Her Deep Empathy With Her Infant, Reflects In Her Face His Feelings; This Is Why He Sees Himselfin Her Face As If In A Mirror And Finds Himself As He Sees Himself In Her. The Not Good Enough Mother Fails To Reflect The Infant's Feelings In Her Face Because She Is Too Preoccupied With Her Own Concerns, Such As Her Worries Over Whether She Is Doing Right By Her Child, Her Anxiety That She Might Fail Him.

What Children Learn From Punishment Is That Might Makes Right. When They Are Old And Strong Enough, They Will Try To Get Their Ownback; Thus Many Children Punish Their Parents By Acting In Ways Distressing To Them.

The Question For The Child Is Not Do I Want To Be Good? But Whom Do I Want To Be Like?

To Be Told That Our Child's Behavior Is "normal" Offers Little Solace When Our Feelings Are Badly Hurt, Or When We Worry That Hisactions Are Harmful At The Moment Or May Be Injurious To His Future. It Does Not Help Me As A Parent Nor Lessen My Worries When My Child Drives Carelessly, Even Dangerously, If I Am Told That This Is "normal" Behavior For Children Of His Age. I'd Much Prefer Him To Deviate From The Norm And Be A Cautious Driver!