You Can't Drown Yourself In Drink. I've

America Is The Country Where You Can Buy A Lifetime Supply Of Aspirin For One Dollar And Use It Up In Two Weeks.

My Wife Is The Kind Of Girl Who Will Not Go Anywhere Without Her Mother, And Her Mother Will Go Anywhere.

A Man Must Pay The Fiddler. In My Case It So Happened That A Whole Symphony Orchestra Often Had To Be Subsidized.

Mr. [john] Barrymore's Smile Was The Smile Of An Actor Who Hates Actors, And Who Knows That He Is Going To Kill Two Or Three Before The Play Is Over. I Am Not An Actor-killer, But I Like My Hamlets To Dislike Actors, If You Know What I Mean, And I Think You Don't.

Love Is The Delightful Interval Between Meeting A Beautiful Girl And Discovering That She Looks Like A Haddock.