Yes" Actually Means "no" 100% Of The

I Think Cats Would Have An Even Worse Attitude If They Found Out How Stupid Their Names Were.

I Set A Personal Record On Christmas. I Got My Shopping Done Three Weeks Ahead Of Time. I Had All The Presents Back At My Apartment, I Was Halfway Through Wrapping Them, And I Realized, 'damn, I Used The Wrong Wrapping Paper.' The Paper I Used Said, 'happy Birthday.' I Didn't Want To Waste It, So I Just Wrote 'jesus' On It.

When I Stub My Toe It's Like I Pressed A Button That Plays All The Curse Words I Know.

100% Of The People Who Give 110% Do Not Understand Math.

Mosquito Bites Jesus, Receives Communion.