The Best Way To Make Somebody Feel

Every Fight Is A Food Fight When Youre A Cannibal.

Now I Got A Time Machine At Home. It Only Goes Foreword At Regular Speed. It's Essentially A Cardboard Box And On The Outside I Wrote Time Machine In Sharpie.

Dogs Seem More Photogenic Than Cats. In Photos Most Cats Look Like Sociopaths.

I Like Birthdays. Every Time Someone Is Born, That's Just Like Bringing More Cake Into The World.

I Think It Would Be Cool If You Were Writing A Ransom Note On Your Computer, If The Paper Clip Popped Up And Said, 'looks Like You're Writing A Ransom Note. Need Help? You Should Use More Forceful Language, You'll Get More Money.'