It's Like Being A Little Kid Again,

...nothing Is Creepier Than A Bunch Of Adults Being Very Quiet.

I Was Taken To An Examining Room Where A Big Butch Nurse Practitioner Came In And Asked Me If I Was Pregnant. “no Way!” Was I Sexually Active? “nope!” Had I Ever Been Molested? “well,” I Said, Trying To Make A Joke, “oprah Says The Only Answers To That Question Are ‘yes’ And ‘i Don’t Remember.’ ” I Laughed. We Were Having Fun. The Nurse Looked At Me, Concerned/annoyed.

I Don't Like My Feet. I'm Not Crazy About Anybody's Feet. But I Have Flat Feet.

Last Night The Taliban Offered To Release Eight Westerners If The U.s. Promised Not To Attack. The State Department Declined But Thanked The Taliban For The Offer, Saying It Really Felt Good To Laugh Again.

When I Started On 'saturday Night Live,' I Had The Choice Of Wearing Contact Lenses, Which I Had Never Worn Before, Or Glasses, In Order To Be Able To Read The Cue Cards.